Comments

  1. Caged rage says

    Maybe it will get worse and maybe no one will believe you. Maybe you will become another victim of the system the pigeon holes abuse and blames the victim. Maybe you have to be smarter and document the act, the abuse, the torment. Then put it on youtube. Let it go viral.

    Or, maybe you need a new advocate, rather than a psychiatrist.

  2. Sonia Morrison says

    Caged Rage is aligned with my thoughts about Maybe It Will Just Go Away. What is my story? I have been flowing along and now I have hit an eddy in my flow, twice. Anger rearing ever more boldly escaping. Almost instantly the anger shifts to the current moment, the intensity of the feelings don’t fit the situation. What is the early trigger? Sunday, I was talking with my girlfriend, Alicia, about the first experience which occurred at work on Saturday. She suggested that there may be an early experience being triggered. Then Monday, was another intense outburst towards my renter. A true case of hoping the experience will just go away. It cannot go away, it is in me; unmet, unresolved feelings trying to heal. Anger, frustration and sense of being betrayed were present both times. The reality was benign both times. I felt like a tiger in a trap, roaring in pain. Pain is the word we use when we meet resistance. Time to go beyond the comfort zone.

    • Tempered Ashes says

      Thank you Sonia.. my own rage rears its ugly head often..and then feeling also of being “unmet” comes, then the shame, then the rage again..

  3. Gloria West says

    I had a mammogram that was suspicious. I went to a radiologist and he confirmed the issue, but said I could wait six months before doing anything more. Since my mother died of breast cancer, I headed straight to the surgeon. He did a biopsy: I had stage 1 breast cancer. I elected to have a mastectomy, and have been cancer free for 17 years.

    • Tempered Ashes says

      damn girl–brave as hell–and smart–thnks for the lesson, i.e. we really don’t need to be sick if we can prevent it

  4. Allie says

    Yes, after I found out that he cheated on me with another woman on his last business trip oversea. In the past, he would travel once or twice a year for his job. I would never know if this is what he does when he is away on business trip. I was not prepared for this kind of betrayal. I love him so much. I was not ready to leave him for this mistake. I forgave him and decided that we want to work on our marriage. I thought that the pain will go away. It has been ten months now and the pain is still there. It hurt as much as the night I found out or it even double the pain, every time a little thing reminds me of his affair, I break down and cry helpless. I am fearful to be alone and to leave him. I have been a stay at home mom in the last two years. A year ago, I decided that I want to write books. He supported and encouraged me to start a business. He has been a wonderful, caring, and loving husband in the last fifteen years, at least in my eyes until now. The pain that shattered my heart into pieces is all I have left of me. Everyday, I mend my broken heart, but no matter how I glued the pieces together it never look as good as before. I see the scar, and I experience the pain over and over again, while I see him act like he did nothing wrong. I feel dead inside but my body is living and walking about. I loved what we have before and could not throw it all away. There are moments where I want to give up on this marriage. I tried every day not to think about it. I avoid talking about it. I kept this secret from his family because I did not want to ruin his reputation. I knew in my heart that they could not undo what happened, so I decided not to talk to them about it. I feel betrayed and unloved by my husband. My love for him would never be same again. I would love him differently now and even less. I work hard on improving our marriage with the believe that the pain will go away. I blamed him for leaving a scar on my loving heart. I try to change certain thing about myself that I feel I wasn’t good enough. At first, it kills me inside to believe that what happened was my fault, somehow that I was not smart enough for him. I came to a realization that it was not me. I am the best thing in his life. It will be him who will regret because I have done nothing wrong. No matter how hard I tried to move on, I just can let go of the pain in my heart.
    He has shown remorse for his mistake and I forgave him. Again, I give him my heart knowing that he can easily break it. It is true that there is no guarantee in love? I am living with the hope that he will be faithful and that maybe the pain will go away. How much more pain do I have to endure before it really goes go away. I believe in the phrase, “Let time heals a broken heart.” Maybe it will go away.

  5. Judy Miller says

    I awoke with a pain running down the side of my left breast. I was wearing a comfy bra. You know the one where the elastic was wearing out. It still had some life in it where it was not quite to the point of throwing it out. I thought maybe I had pulled a muscle since there was not much support in the old bra. I remember thinking, “maybe it will go away.”

    A week went by . The soreness did not disappear. Instead, I developed a pain running from the side of the breast to under the arm. Upon tracing the soreness with my fingers. I discovered 2 lumps. The one under the arm was more noticeable than the one on the side of my breast. I called my physician to make an appointment on November 11, 1996. “Maybe it will go away” became “Sorry, you have Breast Cancer.” I am now permanent friends with my surgeon. I have been through surgery twice, radiation, chemotherapy twice. Cancer is not about dying. It is about living. I am currently 14 years and counting Cancer Free.

    “Maybe it will go away “ is no longer in my health plan. I hope it is not in yours either.

  6. Tempered Ashes says

    Maybe I will go away. Maybe “it” will go away.. maybe he/she/they will go away.. maybe it will all just go . . . away. A-WAY– what a word: a-way..

    A way is a boat that dingles in the night
    A way is a moat that climbs you on high
    A way is the knock that wakes you up at night
    A way is the way to never be away

    A way is the last dungeon that holds your head high
    A way is the crowning fleet of dangerous nigh
    A way is the neverending spoke of a wheel
    A way is the way to never being heal

    A-way this m***** f******!!! A way this…

  7. Tempered Ashes says

    I don’t really understand why I have all my gifts. I don’t really understand how I’m supposed to use them. I don’t really get why I’ve spent my entire life–not just developing my “gifts,” but actually being so single-mindedly focused on making sure I develop them that nearly everything–and I mean Everything else took second fiddle. I did all that–and yet I now sit here and complain about them–scyuze the languey but: “what the f***!”

    hmmm,

    hmmmmmmmm,

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    (maybe tomorrow I’ll know……………..

  8. Tempered Ashes says

    “Maybe it will go away…

    Maybe it will go away–into a tune, a music box, a candle light
    maybe it will go away–like John Denver on high
    like Carol Brady on “low”
    like Michael Simpson–when he died
    maybe it will go to the tune of: 2 Million Dollars!!
    maybe it will go where east meets west
    south meets shore
    left meets right
    and earth spins tight
    Maybe it will just Go–go like the wind
    go like the sun
    go like the hand
    go like the man
    maybe it will whip around and hit you–tight!
    maybe it will go to the earth and spring up like a cherry tree! (then you can eat it..) maybe it will go the direction of fairies–tooth fairies that is..
    maybe you can drink it–really swig it, I mean
    maybe you can force it to drink (like college binge drinking..hello!!)
    maybe you can twist it into submission..
    maybe you can hope that it turns a blind eye..
    maybe maybe maybe
    Do we Really have any control..maybe.

  9. Tempered Ashes says

    I don’t know which way to go.
    I’ve been “given” so much–especially lately (because I asked for it, of course).. and now I don’t know what “to do” with it all..
    All I can think is this: it’s about love, it’s about compassion and it’s about being real..
    But then I’m still left with the question: why all the self study and self development–after all, anybody can love, right? (and I dare say that all of the self development Might even take away from that in some ways.. hmmmm, something to chew on I guess..
    who really needs the second part of a damn parenthesis anyways…

    xczyouaw

  10. Tempered Ashes says

    ..thanks for listening..as always..
    Bye!
    (on high..
    wheels go round and round–at night
    murders about nighttime hips around Leslie Mound
    maybe it will go away
    WHY AM I HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Tempered Ashes says

    last one..I swear (please don’t ban me..
    ps still no second parenthesis–they should be erased from the world..

  12. Tempered Ashes says

    Maybe it will just go away.
    maybe I will just go way–waay back to when I was born
    waay back to when we were all created
    waay back to: “THE DAWN OF MAN……….
    or just waay back..
    wonder what we’d come up with if civilization had a do over..

    I know: no rape no war and no peace
    no troubles no gangreen no hot flashes
    no mantables endtables earthtables
    just us–I mean really US
    then what??
    I guess we might actually get a chance to build something (other than buildings and purses I mean..)
    THANKS–that actually helped–(maybe this 2012 thing is really going to happen..

    Love,
    Pandora–see you all next time

    breathe

  13. Cloggermom says

    Every morning there it was…this thick feeling in my throat that wouldn’t seem to go away. It felt like a lump in the middle of my neck and it would start when I drank my coffee as we were getting ready to go out in our boats for fishing. I thought maybe it will just go away. I was partially right.

    I knew that there was always a possibility to have a potential problem in the future with my thyroid, but I hadn’t done anything to cause that to erupt now. So I racked my brain for explinations, as silly as some of the things I came up with sounded I grasped at anything but that dreaded word, cancer. Hmmm. Maybe I was allergic to something I was eating or drinking? I changed from coffee to hot chocolate the next morning, lol, that wasn’t it. But it did seem to come and go in the afternoons and evenings, until I thought about it.

    I told everyone with us about what I was feeling and they were concerned too, but I would wait till we got home from vacation. I wondered if it was a stress thing, as I had been under a lot of stress back home, but I was on vacation? Shouldn’t that be a help?

    It would continue to feel like a lump every morning no matter what I tried, and I tried ice cold water, I tried to not worry about it, and whatever else I could do. It did seem to come and go, which was weird to me.

    Once we got home, I made that dreaded appointment to see my doctor. I explained the feeling and he felt my neck and confirmed my first thoughts of it, as nerves, a “lump in the throat” as they say. He said it comes and goes as my stress does, and my body reacted in such a way to make this feeling, and as soon as I found that out, and it wasn’t going to be a tumour or cancer or goiter, I was so relieved it went away within weeks. It has returned a few times since, but I have gotten used to it and it no longer scares me as it did that vacation time. And I was so glad to find out I wasn’t allergic to coffee!!! Ha ha ha…

  14. Jean West says

    I thought it was food poisoning from the mayonnaise in my salad. I really believed that, too, because I called up the restaurant and told them. They were very polite and concerned, but said I was the only one who had called.

    It was a few months later, following pizza, that I knew something was very wrong. Excruciating pain in my gut. It was the wrong side for an appendicitis. Could it be a heart attack? Irrationally, I thought if I didn’t go to sleep, it would be fine. I didn’t call 911…who would look after my five-year-old daughter?

    After eight hours of the worst pain I’d experienced, short of labor—but with no baby to show for the agony—it went away. The following morning, I didn’t delude myself that it would stay away. I took my daughter to school and myself to the doctor.

    “It’s your gall bladder,” he informed me. “You need to go on the BRAT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce, toast and tea. That will settle it down. Then, you have a choice, surgery to remove it, or to participate in an experimental program at Georgetown University where they use sonic waves to disintegrate the gallstones.”

    “Sonic sounds good,” I declared.

    “They’ll decide if you are a good candidate for the study.”

    I was. The sonic treatment, along with medication, worked—but only temporarily. When I had another incident that resembled food poisoning four years later, I knew better. By then the laparoscopic surgery had been perfected and I was in and out, with just a tiny Band-Aid to show for my troubles.

  15. J in O says

    Maybe I can forget this emptiness in my soul. Maybe I can forget what I wanted for so long. Maybe I can make it work. Maybe I can be a good enough wife to make up for all our failings. Maybe I can be good enough at everything else that I’ll forget I’ve become a eunuch in my own marriage.

    Maybe it will go away.

    Maybe I can forget the drug dealers, sluts, bitches, and bangers in my classroom every day. Maybe I can forget their desperation and desolate poverty. Maybe I can forget the way a younger me cared and cried and wanted to be a better human for someone else’s sake.

    Maybe it will go away.

    Maybe I can forget how you made me feel like a woman for the first time in years. Maybe I can forget driving down 16th Street, crying to Mika’s “I See You.” Maybe I can forget hearing you tell me — you, O He Whom Thousands Have Known — that no one has ever touched you like I did. Maybe I can forget that I haven’t heard from you. Maybe I’ll even forget everything you cost me.

    Maybe it will go away.

    Maybe I can forget all the times I dreamt about you, wrote about you, created you in my mind before God answered. Maybe you’ve already forgotten me.

    Maybe it will go away.

    If I don’t first.

  16. Bobbie Anne says

    I’m a cancer survivor. I had cancer in the early stages. I had the proper procedure and it was removed. I am screened for this cancer at least once or twice a year. So I’m all better, right? I tested positive for ovarian cancer. That scares me. I had a mammogram and sonogram that showed stuff, so I got a core biopsy. They say my cells are abnormal. My breasts are dense and cystic. They want to do a lumpectomy and remove breast tissue “the size of a wallet”. Hey, do we mean a chic small coin-size wallet? Surely, we don’t mean one so big most of the breast will be gone. Maybe that’s the point. It feels very tender to the touch. And what’s with this buzzing? Why is my right breast vibrating? I need to know if I’m okay. Say, maybe it will go away…

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