I’m No Longer Waiting For …

I read this poem as today’s first writing prompt in our afternoon writing class. The prompt was to use the repeating line: “I’m no longer waiting for…”

Advent of Midlife

I am no longer waiting for
A special occasion;
I burn the best candles on ordinary days.
I am no longer waiting for
The house to be clean;
I fill it with people who understand that
Even dust is sacred.
I am no longer waiting for
Everyone to understand me;
It’s just not their task.
I am no longer waiting for
The perfect children;
My children have their own names
That burn as brightly as any star.
I am no longer waiting for
The other shoe to drop;
It already did, and I survived.
I am no longer waiting for
The time to be right;
The time is always now.
I am no longer waiting for
The mate who will complete me;
I am grateful to be so
Warmly, tenderly held.
I am no longer waiting for
A quiet moment;
My heart can be stilled whenever it is called.
I am no longer waiting for
The world to be at peace;
I unclench my grasp and
Breathe peace in and out.
I am no longer waiting to
Do something great;
Being awake to carry my
Grain of sand is enough.
I am no longer waiting to
Be recognized;
I know that I dance in a holy circle.
I am no longer waiting for
Forgiveness.
I believe, I believe.

— Mary Anne Perrone, published in National Catholic Reporter December 15, 2006

And here’s the response from one of my students, Tasha Paley, from New York City. I got to hold her hand in the waterfall today, and this afternoon in class, she wrote this:

I am no longer waiting for Santa Claus to come. Everyday is Christmas if I rise with awareness.

I am no longer waiting for fresh gingerbread from Gretel’s cottage. My cottage lives inside me and goes with me where I go.

I am no longer waiting for Mr. Right. First of all, it may be Ms Right, for all I know. Secondly, I am the Ms Right I’ve been waiting for and am growing into, like the Rock That Grows; like my socks that fit snugly over my feet.

I am no longer waiting for autumn to arrive. Perhaps it is autumn now, the autumn of my life, which is a resplendent season ripe with the perfume of gentle tide.

I am no longer waiting for someone else to figure it all out for me. I am not meant to figure it all out. In fact, if I am guided to do the next right thing, then days will unfold like a magic carpet

I am no longer waiting for answers to the mystery. I think I have always loved the mystery but it is not the game of blind man’s bluff it used to be.

I am no longer waiting for a perfect score card. Perfection and I parted ways a long time ago, thank goodness. Perfection was an agony. Acceptance is my very best friend and when I stroke my heart it breathes life into me.

I am no longer spinning in circles, running to EST for the magic bullet, therapist shopping for the wisest shrink in town. I learn from others. I am teachable. Even on this trip to Bali. Especially when I slow down to invite in quiet, to invite you in, to breathe space between my bones.

I am no longer waiting for an instruction manual. Although there is guidance it doesn’t come to me like a white knight on horseback but it surprising ways—the pink bud that sat amongst the green quietly by the roadside as I walked with my buddy Sharon; the curve of grooves in my chopsticks, the celebration of a friend’s birthday, the dream at night that does for me what I cannot do for myself.

I am no longer waiting to be an artist. In fact we all are. I am your midwife and you are mine. And lets not forget the Source, the greatest midwife of all.

I am no longer waiting for you to call or someone to say speak up to cure the boredom. If I want something I must say something. Clearly. With prayers for willingness.

I am no longer waiting for the harsh voice of judgment to be cast away. I simply say “Bless you, Change me” and it melts.

I am, however, waiting for death. It walks beside me even on the best of days. It continues to be my task to make friends with it.

​​​​​Tasha Paley
​​​​​Bali
July 11, 2018

Photo by Marsha Morgan.

Photo by Sarah Perkins.

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