Are You Ready for Reconciliation?
Reconciliation is only possible when we become larger than the people who have hurt us, and the things that have caused us pain. This questionnaire will help you determine whether or not you are ready to pursue reconciliation at this time.
Choose the number beneath each question that indicates your current feelings. If your response is a strong “no” or “yes”, choose the numbers at either end of the scale. If your answer is more mixed, choose a number in the middle that most accurately reflects where you are today.
1. Has a relationship with someone you once cared about ended because of anger, betrayal, or miscommunication?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
2. Do you miss the other person and wish he or she could still be in your life?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
3. Have you worked through your own feelings enough to approach this person in a new way?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
4. Are you ready to take responsibility for your role in what happened?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
5. Have you developed a sense of compassion for the other person?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
6. Have you moved beyond fantasies of revenge and retaliation?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
7. Could you move forward in this relationship even if you receive no apology or acknowledgement that you were wronged?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
8. Are you being realistic about the other person? Have you stopped pinning your hopes on a fantasy?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
9. If a limited relationship is all that is possible, would that be acceptable to you?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
10. Can you be in this relationship and still feel good about yourself?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
11. Given the risks involved in reaching out, are you willing to face the worst possible scenario?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
12. Do you have what it takes to rebuild this relationship?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
no yes
If the majority of your answers cluster around the “yes” end of the scale, it’s a good indicator that you are ready to pursue reconciliation. Answers that cluster around the “no” end of the scale point out issues you may need to resolve before you will be ready to reach out to the other person.
From I Thought We’d Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation by Laura Davis (HarperCollins, April, 2002). This article may be distributed or reproduced as long as you include the author, the copyright and the sentence, “Laura Davis is the author of I Thought We’d Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation (HarperCollins, April 2002). http://www.LauraDavis.net |
