What’s Different About the 20th Anniversary Edition of The Courage to Heal? If you are looking for information, online resources or referrals, click here. For a link to an excerpt from the new Courage to Heal Resource Guide, click here. When we began work on The Courage to Heal in 1984, the climate for survivors …
Copyright Notice ©Laura Davis, 2002. All of the information and images on this website are the original content of Laura Davis. You are free to republish or distribute any text written by Laura Davis as long as you include the following two sentences in their entirety, "Laura Davis is the author of I Thought We’d …
Legal Notice 1. This material on this website is designed to give you information on issues relating to the reconciliation of estranged relationships. The information and opinions expressed on this website are educational in nature. They are not intended to be complete or exhaustive, nor is the material on this website, or the forums it …
A Letter from Laura Davis’ Mother
I Thought We’d Never Speak Again, Laura Davis’s book on reconciliation, has profound meaning to me because, as her mother, I am the one she never thought she would speak to again. We became estranged over a difficult family issue that seemed to be permanently irreconcilable, complicated by our living on opposite sides of the country. This period in my life, without my daughter, was excruciatingly painful for me.
Miraculously, motivated by a deep mother- daughter bond, we each took small tentative steps to break the impasse, and we did. I wanted my daughter in my life again, to be a grandmother to her children, and she wanted the same. That seemed to both of us a priority over the differences that separated us. It took time and the courage to push back the fears that we would be hurt again. Reconciliation required that we be in the present and focus on what we wanted now.
As I grow older, it feels more and more important to let go of old differences that interfere with my happiness. I need closeness with family.
Laura’s book tells many stories of people like us. The scenarios might be different, but the underlying theme concerns people and groups who are split apart and want it to be different, hoping to renew their relationships. When Laura first told me about her plans to write the book, I was naturally apprehensive, even though she assured me that I would have an opportunity to edit the manuscript. What was she going to say for the whole world to read about? As I pored through I Thought We’d Never Speak Again during a visit to California, the tears began to flow. Some passages were difficult for me, but I could sense Laura’s desire to spare me any undue pain, yet use our story to show how reconciliation was possible.
Learning to Listen “Opportunities are often missed because we are broadcasting when we should be listening.” –Anonymous True listening is at the heart of reconciliation. It is the willingness to take in what another person is saying, even if what they have to say is painful or difficult to hear. It is the acknowledgement of …
Are You Ready for Reconciliation?
Reconciliation is only possible when we become larger than the people who have hurt us, and the things that have caused us pain. This questionnaire will help you determine whether or not you are ready to pursue reconciliation at this time.
Choose the number beneath each question that indicates your current feelings. If your response is a strong “no” or “yes”, choose the numbers at either end of the scale. If your answer is more mixed, choose a number in the middle that most accurately reflects where you are today.
Ten Ways to Make Peace During Family Celebrations
Being estranged from people in our families can make holidays and family gatherings events we dread, rather than times of joy and celebration. For instance:
- You’re not speaking to your mother—or your child—and Mother’s Day is right around the corner
- You’ve been avoiding your father for months and you’re expected to show up for dinner on Father’s Day
- Your sister is getting married and you’re going to have to sit with your older brother whom you haven’t spoken to in years
- You’re dreading Thanksgiving at your sister’s house because of your loud-mouthed brother-in-law
- You want to enjoy yourself at your daughter’s wedding despite the fact that your ex-husband will be there
If any of these scenarios sound familiar, here are 10 ways to make things easier:
Virtual Tour of I Thought We’d Never Speak Again Take a Tour of: Endorsements • Table of Contents • Introduction • An Excerpt from Chapter 1 Endorsements for I Thought We’d Never Speak Again "I Thought We’d Never Speak Again provides crucial guidance for anyone who needs inspiration, courage, and guidance in making peace with …
How to Transform Hurt and Anger into Compassion and Love
If there is someone in your life that you are estranged from—and you think you might want to do something about it—you will find support and inspiration within the pages of this book. Once you read it, you will know whether or not you want to seek reconciliation, and what you need to do to proceed.
I Thought We’d Never Speak Again will teach you:
- To assess your current situation clearly
- To determine whether or not you are ready for reconciliation
- The three main obstacles to reconciliation
- The critical difference between reconciliation and capitulation
- The essential elements of a good apology
- What to do when you want to reconcile and the other person doesn’t
- Why you need to heal unforgivable injuries before you consider reconciliation
- Six steps that can change enemies into allies
- Why estrangement can sometimes be good
- To establish the boundaries that are essential to reconciliation
- To reconcile even if don’t want to forgive
- When it is right to talk about the past and when it isn’t
- To accept that a relationship is over
- The critical distinction between humility and accountability, and how to determine which one is needed
- Why “failing” at reconciliation can still lead to personal success