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Embracing the Undone

April 28, 2009 By Laura Davis 1 Comment - Read & Respond

The class rosters I have not brought up to date. The brochure I have not printed. The bed I have not made. The clothes I have not folded and put away. The cancer memoir I have not begun. The toenails I did not clip. The education I never received and will never receive. The emails I have never read. The copies of The Sun that sit on my bedside table and ask to be read. (I have never read a single one. I read novels instead). The ring on the bathtub, the refrigerator that has not been cleaned in half a year. The office I used to work in, the one behind my house, the beautiful office with the Mexican tile floor and the wood stove for heat, the one with termites and no insulation, a high peaked ceiling and my father’s old bed up above to nap in. The windows all around looking out at a garden Karyn planted for me to enjoy. The desktop computer, fax machine, copier and printer, the two phones, one for home, one for business. The files of ex students, ex clients, aborted projects, books I edited years ago. Now the room is full of boxes and cobwebs, shelves full of the delitrous of selves I have left behind.

I have not used my office since I left in June of 2007 to take Eli to the international origami conference in New York City. We spent four days at the Art Institute, sleeping in a barren dorm room, and walking across the street where hundreds of folders from all over the world sat and made magic with thin squares of folded paper. Lizzy and I wandered the city while Eli folded. Out of all of Manhattan the only thing she found to eat were slices of pizza and a certain kind of very white muffin they sold around the corner at the biggest Whole Foods I’ve ever seen.

Five days later we took the train to New Jersey and grandma’s house. Three days after that I found out I had cancer. I have not worked in my office since. It has become the dumping ground for Lizzy’s blue sewing manniken, her abandoned sewing projects, cartons of unopened books, bags of Karyn’s wool that she has been talking about selling for four years now, piles of papers and unopened mail, dust bunnies and spiderwebs. The room overwhelms me. Somewhere in there are the tax records I need or the short story I am looking for, but just walking in the door of the haven I used to enjoy overwhelms me. I think every week that this will be the week I go in there and start throwing things away. If you leave paperwork unattended long enough, I find that 90% of it has become outdated and can be tossed. But I am leaving my office undone.

I began using a laptop in bed during my horizontal year. And now I have horned in on the kids’ homework desk or a place ont eh couch. With wireless, who needs an office? Any surface will do. So I leave the piles and the boxes and the chaos undone. I embrace the chaos, the mess, the inability to reclaim the private space I once held so dear. I embrace the lists with things that fall off the bottom, forever relegated to third class status—the undone. I embrace a bath and a chapter of a novel rather than the next task on the list.

Last fall, I drove to L.A. to celebrate the wedding of my friends Keith and John. (Keith who I made out with in elementary school.) It was a high class L.A. affair and everyone kept asking me what I do. I never quite knew how to answer the question. Is it okay to just say, “I am learning to relax.” “I am seeing what life feels like without ambition.”

 I am exploring my new post-cancer skin. I am taking care of my kids and making dinner. I teach my class and pick up the kids. Nothing sexy. Nothing glamorous. Nothing sensational. I am letting go of doing anything that impresses anyone. I am embracing the undone. The undone are my friends. They are teaching me how to live.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Laura's stories, Laura's wisdom, memoir, spirituality, writing practice

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Comments

  1. Donna Aceves says

    May 26, 2009 at 10:11 am

    Reframe
    Congratulations Laura. Your story is inspiring. Thoughts of undone things snuck in the back door as I was reading it. Well, they are always there, I just noticed them more. I think I’ll take your reframe and use it. There’s a good mystery book page turner ready for my attention.

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Like this Virtual Vacation?

You can also read about Laura’s travels to:

Peru 2017

In which Laura and Karyn and 18 writers explore Machu Picchu and the Sacred Valley of Peru.

Serbia 2017

In which Laura leads a workshop at the Incest Trauma Center.

Greece 2016

In which Laura explores the wonders of Crete and Santorini with a wide-eyed group of Write, Travel, Transform adventurers.

Vietnam 2015/16

In which Laura, who grew up during the Vietnam War, goes to Southeast Asia and finds out what Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia are really like today.

Commonweal 2015

A journey toward healing loss and grief in a magnificent Northern California setting.

Scotland 2015

In which Laura returns to Scotland with a new group for another jaunt through the wonders of the Scottish Highlands.

Scotland 2013

In which Laura attends the Edinburgh theatre festival and leads 14 writers to a magical retreat in the highlands of Northern Scotland.

Bali 2013

In which Laura visits Australia, and spends three weeks diving, exploring, and teaching in three regions of Bali.

Florida 2014

A journey into old age in America in which Laura brings her 86-year-old mother to Florida so she can see her last surviving sister one final time.

Mexico 2014

In which Laura attends the San Miguel Writer’s Conference and explores the artistic towns around Patzcuaro.

About Laura Davis

In the course of my career as a communicator, I have also worked as a columnist, talk show host, radio reporter, radio producer, blogger, editor, and speaker. Words have always been at the core of my work and my self-expression. Read More . . .

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Retreating with Laura: Julie Sheehan

Julie Sheehan

For many years I put off my dream of writing and traveling. I told myself the kids were too little, my husband could never survive without me, that I couldn't possibly be so selfish. I couldn't imagine realistically stepping out of all of my responsibilities and roles. Then I started attending Laura’s summer retreat at Commonweal in northern California and that became an annual gift to myself for the next three years.

When the opportunity to travel with Laura internationally came up, my Land of Later mentality said I could never pull it off. But when my friend got cancer at age 39, I decided to stop taking life and it's endless opportunities to grow, live, nurture and explore myself for granted.

My children were 6 and 9 when I began allowing myself the luxurious pleasure of taking 10 days to two weeks each year to travel abroad with Laura, to spend time with like minded, soul searching people who share a passion for living and writing, to have all my meals prepared for me, to have the space and freedom to stretch out of my cage and check in with who I am, what I want, and how best to get there.

Laura is a skilled and nurturing teacher who encourages her students to take risks, to grow as human beings, and to be vulnerable. She has provided me with a forum where I can gain all my CEUs and learn techniques on how to become a more engaging writer, all while completing yearly emotional rehab.

I return home from each of Laura’s trip a little wiser, a little more open, and a lot more compassionate. I greet my family, friends and daily life with sparkly, clean energy and a renewed patience, brought about by way of re-writing old stories that I needed to let go of. I come home ready to move forward in my life.

A retreat with Laura Davis is one of the best gifts I ever received and gave myself. It took many years to realize that I was worth the time and financial investment, but now there is no looking back.

Julie Sheehan, Livermore California

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