My Loneliness

“The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also makes you lonely.”

–Lorraine Hansberry

Tell me about your loneliness. Start with the words, “My loneliness…”

11 thoughts on “My Loneliness”

  1. My loneliness makes me miserable and unhappy. The closer I get to my Self, the lonelier I get, because I just see all the things I have missed in my life because of all hte w…s I am carrying, that makes me scared of reliving an honest and decent life.

    On my path of healing, I unburied all the sliences and gave a voice to that little girl. Her vocie became taller than me.
    The fight is now between me and her. She wants to drive the boat to a certain direction and I, the adult cannot decide on this new direction, because i am sitting lonely, thinking of the past drections I have not taken because, I could not speak my voice.

    So we ??? Her and I are sitting in this terrible loneliness. I am sitting there today, but I am so close to the exit while reuniting my voice to express my needs and desire.

    In this loneliness, I am trying to see my own light. I feel it. The financial pressure to get out of the dark pushes me outside to work and earn a living, while the Internal work is happening. I feel so vulnerable and do not want people to see that. Yet I need a job.

    Lessons of life on my path are terrible. There is still anger sitting inside me. Not to feel guilty about all the failures is tough. Inside me I am trying to comfort myself, because deeply I know who I am.

    1. I so love your writing and relate on all levels God bless you my sister. Is in the universe wonderful?

  2. My loneliness
    is a gift,
    a time for introspection
    a place which, in this big huge world
    belongs only to me.
    Where the depth of my thoughts
    & my most profound lessons
    are realized.
    My loneliness is loud
    and precious.
    I color my loneliness with memories,
    art projects and writing
    and rejoice in the flow of its creative juices.
    Recognizing the faces and places
    that get filed away too quickly in our minds
    without proper opportunity to experience.
    I do not seek loneliness
    nor do I choose for it to stay too long.
    Instead I’ve learned to wield it
    to my benefit .
    Everything has its darkness and it’s light.

  3. My loneliness invades me like a tidal wave displacing every positive and good thing in my life, smashing feelings of worth and purpose, invading private and sacred places with dirty, debris-filled water, confusing up from down, spinning and tossing me in churning waters full of hard objects that bruise my skin and knock the sense of me. When the waters recede, I’m left with a ravaged landscape that deepens the isolation, a landscape only I can see and wonder at, guess at, try to enquire into the meaning of it all. Meaning! what meaning can there be in such desolation. I’ve seen movies and video of tidal waves where those afflicted help each other as they toss and reach out hands for help and succor, where shelters are raised and helicopters circle to find the drowning. Where are the hands reaching out for me, the helicopters on the lookout for my shrieks of help? My loneliness is private, available only to me. I share it with no-one. Guard it with life and limb. Ward off attackers, invaders that would rob me of it. My loneliness exists on the surface of things, in the shallow waters that ape a tidal wave, that pretend to clear the decks, but never do. Do you ever feel lonely? bereft of friends and acquaintances? moving in a tight circle of yourself? Seeing only what feeds the isolation? resistant to change and probing—ignoring the knock on the front door, the phone ringing, the friendly letter in the mail, the text emoji offering mild relief? I have a toy enamel, small clown on my desk—gold, red, and black-stripped top hat with a blue rim, blue eye shadow, red bubble nose and drooping smile, arms outstretched in a diamond-patterned silk jacket, feet in red boots turned out at a ridiculous angle. She sits on my desk alone and forever happy, greeting each day as it comes even though her right arm is broken, even though the desk lamp she sits under is off most of the time. She remains calm and content, unperturbed by external changes, confident in her ability to meet the small vicissitudes of her life. A tiny, foreign coin at her feet. She goes nowhere, does nothing and is content, whether the light is on or off, whether I am there or not, gazing into the world of my studio with kind eyes.

    1. Marisha your comments touched my soul in a beautiful way and open my mind to a new appreciation of the things I have left in my life, the tiny things the last vestiges of a lifetime spent and looking outside for the Comforts offered.

      At this stage of my life I am left all alone to continue to try to deal with whatever experiences I am to go through and or face and finally to be a grown up at my age, almost 77! LOL. You would have thought I learned these lessons a long time ago. I did not. For whatever reasons, my creator, my precious Lord and the God of all gods and whatever, whatever whatever, apparently it is time for me to honestly self reflect and make some serious changes internally as well as externally, to the best of my ability.

      There I go again off in my head, the last place I need to go right now. I’m tired and in extreme pain. It as though my entire skeleton needs serious TLC . And I shall try to finally dress my own needs the best I can

      1. Thank you! The hardest thing for me is to put myself into the picture. I flood my life with people, places, and projects until I barely recognize myself and when they are gone and the projects complete, I feel hollow, empty, unable to do anything but the most menial tasks. Who am I? The person who rushes around doing things for others and myself, the one who feels like the hole in the doughnut, or something else entirely? Some philosophies say love what is, what exactly is “IS”? Once, a million years ago, I saw a white rabbit munching the grass in my back yard, for a moment, I perceived its rabbitness and it was delightful. I would love to feel about Merisha like that.

        1. Actually, I just realized that in the Chinese horoscope, I was born in the year of the rabbit. Ha! Ha! Ha!

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