“Some days, the first line of a poem interrupts me and insists on being written down – NOW! Other days, I write the words ‘This is what I have to say to you’ at the top of the page and see what comes. Like a faucet dispensing water from a hidden reservoir below the earth, this kind of writing allows the formless mystery to flow into my conscious life. What I tap into when I write from the quiet of my meditation cushion feels limitless. Each morning finds me at the edge of my current experience, writing about where I am stuck, where I am learning to let go, and what is calling me forward right now. Words on the page, both poetry and prose, are the bread crumbs left behind as I move beyond my comfort zone and into the unknown.”
–Danna Faulds
Writing Retreats
Whether you are a beginner, an established writer, a published author, or are looking for a creative vacation with your spouse…I have a retreat for you.
I don’t actually want to be bored, but I would like the option. Life feels overwhelming right now. Case in point, I’ve just sacrifced a dog walk in order to respond to this prompt and so am feeling both, pulled to write, and guilty for doing so.
Some of what I could do to alleviate this problem of feeling chronically overwhelmed, I’ve just learned, could be costly. For the roots to this problme have to do with sleep, or rather, a lack thereof, and the inner voice which shouts out “NO!” to a C-pap machine (I sometimes wonder how many other victims of sexual abuse have this same reaction). A dentist was recommended to me for this issue because he has a specialty in this area, and can make me an appliance which goes in my mouth that will literally grow my airway (don’t know if I am explaining this accurately) so that I get good breath (from a straw to a snorkel, was his analogy).
He showed me the results of my sleep test, which indicated that my sympathetic nervous system never gets to rest and that my body is in fight or flight all night long. No wonder I wake up exhausted! Furthermore, I can’t help but wonder about the impact on my psyche is from having my brain being in fight or flight that whole period of time?
Insurance will pay $1,500 of it, which sounds like a lot, except that the whole thing is about $7,000. That include everything, all the appointmens, etc. I believe we will figure it out, but some will definitely be financed. I really like the idea of actually treating the problem rather than the symptom.
I”ve gained weight, as well, due to the vertigo attacks I get (Meneir’s Disease). This is has contributed, I”m sure, as my sleep problems have worsened since the weight gain. Slowly, it is coming off, as I get the Meneirs under control and my fear lessens (so I”m exercising more vigorously again). Not sure if I’ll ever get back to baseline, or if, instead, there will be a new one, being that weight loss is much harder as we age, and, of course, I’m only getting older.
I used to read and journal in the mornings. I used to wake up at 5 am. Now I feel lucky if I wake up at 6:30 or 7:00, but even then, as I told the dentist, “It’s at least 2 hours before I can make a decision.” And by that point, I feel as though I can’t slow down for the rest of the day, because I”ve got so much to do, like I”m always living my life 2 hours behind, and things like meditation, journaling and reading for pleasure get left behind.
I really like Dana Fauld”s prompt “This is what I have to say to you” and I’m looking forward to being awake enough to listen, and having the time to do so.. I don’t know how long the process will take, but I”m hoping that I will be entering the new year at a walk instead of a frantic run, and with a clear head and a clear vision–foir both, what I would like to create for myself and for seeing unexpected opportunities along the way.
I let this prompt go until the last day.
I was trying, only partially effectively,to get some serious work done on my cooking book memoire.
For several years after I began going to Overeaters Anonymous in the 70’s I wrote this way and found it very helpful. It was the early days of OA and George, longtime recovering in AA also lost serious weight and started a meeting in Vallejo CA for support. He encouraged us to write every day and use a writing method he used.
Following that method, after all seven of my children were off to school, if I didn’t have a meeting to go to, I sat at the dining-room table and wrote for no less than twenty minutes or more than fifty. I used a ball point pen because it slid easily across the pages and couldn’t be erased! (It was important not to edit. Also important just let the feelings come without comment and not hold back.) At the end of each page we stopped and circled all the negative words and phrases. Then we were to write five assets (good things about ourselves that we could own) in the margin for each negative.. They had to be “I” statements like “I am honest”, I have good hand-writing”, “I keep my commitments”
Often at the beginning we would help each other identify our assets. I got pretty creative…”I have clean hair”…stuff like that.
One day I had circled thirteen negatives. I called George in a panic. “Help! I need eighty-five assets!”
George had a good laugh and assured me I didn’t need that many. I could use the same five over and over if I needed to.
Anyway, I discovered a lot about myself and my negative feelings for others. It wasn’t an inventory as such, but it helped my do the inventory step which is a key part of the Anonymous programs.
To feel safe and to guard my privacy, I wrote a statement on the first page of my notebook that this was writing for my eyes only and that it should not be read by anyone, even after I was dead. I taped the pages together to make it clear.
One day I told my daughter about my writing and that page and she told me she didn’t see anything wrong with her reading it. I knew that I had some pretty sensitive material, strongly put to convey my feelings at one particular time that did not represent how I felt on an ongoing basis. It could hurt people’s feelings or worse if they read something so harsh and I would not be there to assure them how much I really loved them!
After that I stopped writing, or if I did I immediately destroyed it, which meant I lost the value of being able to review it and use it for inventory. I’m glad I did it for a long time.
Another thing that happened was that I had started sharing my writing with a program friend who was not my sponsor. After a time we had become lovers and I realized that I was using my writing to communicate things to him that I should have been telling him directly. I decided I needed to stop sharing my writing with him for that reason.
I think I will try to start that practice again. A lot of ‘water has gone over the dam” and it would be good to process it! Who knows what I might find out about myself now that I have eight decades to look back on!